She can not win!

My heart is so broken today.  Martha's friend cancer has made a possible appearance.  They found a mass in my lung that has attached to my aorta and esophagus....How is this possible?  How can this be?  I am so broken today with the thoughts of what could happen that for a moment or few hours I didn't think of no matter what, God has got this totally under control and I can  not let fear or anxiety creep in.  I must stay glued together!! I will not leave my children or my husband!! I will NOT!  This possible malignancy is just someone's opinion, its not a fact yet....right?  so. I'm fine right? I have cried so hard today that my chest wall is sore.  my head may explode and my heart stop beating.  This is not an ok day.  Tomorrow I will be fresh and ready to come up with a plan with my oncologist.  Today I will stay numb.